


Candy Cane Calamity

by Nevermore_red



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Candy Canes, Christmas fic, F/M, Fluff, Fred Lives, Not Epilogue Compliant, Post-War, Pranks, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 19:56:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8858752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevermore_red/pseuds/Nevermore_red





	

It started off fairly innocently. Or, as innocent as anything involving the Weasley twins could be. Nothing was supposed to be harmful. A funny prank at the expense of the Boy Who Wouldn't Bloody Die. It would bring laughter to the Burrow's Christmas party. All in good fun.

Candy canes. Innocent, innocuous, sweet bits of minty goodness. Nothing suspicious about candy canes. No one would suspect a thing. Or, rather to the point, everyone would suspect something since both Fred and George were in attendance, but the candy canes wouldn't be suspect. It was rather brilliant, actually. A short acting potion designed to bring out the victims most embarrassing moment. As Fred and George had learned what Harry's embarrassing moment was, they just couldn't stand by and not share the juicy bit of information with everyone else. And what better way to do so than by making the man himself say it out loud.

You see, candy canes weren't all that popular in the Weasley household. No one ever actually ate them. They were used more for decoration than anything else. Ginny had bought some this year to bring, and it was almost too easy to switch hers out with the potioned ones. Because everyone knew that Harry loved the pepperminty sticks. It was brilliant. Fool proof, really. Fred couldn't wait to see everyone's reaction when Harry spilled the beans at the dinner table. He and George were lingering about the kitchen when Harry snatched a wrapped cane from the cup they sat in on the counter. He casually unwrapped it before sticking the tip into his mouth and started sucking while he helped their mum set the table. The twins passed each other a knowing look, then Fred made his way out of the kitchen before his mum roped him into doing something to help.

In the living room he found Hermione sitting on the oversized chair, legs crossed at the knee with a book (big surprise there) propped up on her thigh. Her hair was just as wild as it always had been, and Fred absolutely adored it. It was her best feature, he thought. Other than her gorgeous brown eyes, although brown felt like too bland a word for all the striations of tone in her big eyes. Or maybe it was her legs, all lean and long. Perhaps it was her smile, though. Lush lips curled up until that one little dimple came out in her right cheek and her eyes crinkled. But, then again, her skin looked to be made of silky smooth perfection.

Needless to say, Fred was just a bit infatuated with his little brothers best friend. Although over the years since the war had ended they themselves had become quite close. Hermione had started training to become a Healer almost immediately after taking her NEWTS. Fred had spent so much time in the recovery ward at St. Mungos that he had first hand knowledge of just how effected people were by the war. Hermione had called it post traumatic stress. Muggles had medications to help with it and the other mental illnesses that came with anxiety and depression. The wizarding world had no such thing. With Hermione's help with the medical aspect of things, Fred and George had went to work on a potion that acted in the same way as the muggle drugs. It was similar in it's base to their Giggling Goobers, though heavily modified. It had all the same helpful effects of the muggle medication, though more efficient and without the troubling side effects. With it's shimmering yellow color, Hermione had suggested the name of Sunny Day. It had been a huge success. It was Fred's proudest achievement to date, and probably George's as well. Not to mention that it kept them in close contact with Hermione on a regular basis.

Flopping down on the seat next to her, Fred sighed heavily when she didn't so much as acknowledge him, just turned the page of her book.

"'Mione." he whined. "You're being rude. You haven't even said hi to me."

A small grin quirked the corner of her mouth, but she still didn't look at him as she reached over the arm of the chair and picked up a steaming mug of cocoa and took a long drink. Fred smiled at the thin chocolate mustache left on her upper lip, then swallowed down a groan as she licked it off.

"I was here before you were, Fred." she said, still looking at her book. Another drink of the cocoa before she sat it down. "It was you who should have said hi to me."

Letting out another dramatic sigh, Fred then quickly shifted off the chair and onto his knees before her. Grabbing the book away from her hands, though he carefully set it open on the arm of the sofa to save her place, he grabbed both of her hands in his.

"Please forgiveth me, my dearest, sweetest, intelligentest Hermione!" he bemoaned and Hermione rolled her eyes. "If you can find it in your heart to, I shall never forget to greet you again. I'll even go as far as saying 'hello'."

"Good grief." she laughed. "You are so dramatic."

Fred flashed her a grin and cocked his head to the side, thumbs rubbing circles on her inner wrist. "Does that mean I am forgiven?"

"You are." she mumbled, eyes cast downwards at his hands on her.

Over the last few months, Fred had been slowly working on wooing Hermione. It seemed to be going well, he thought. She laughed at all his jokes, still came around the shop, and generally sought him out instead of George when she needed something to do with Sunny Day. He wanted to move slowly, though. He wanted to make sure she knew he wasn't just joking around about it when he finally asked her out.

Easily sliding back onto the cushion next to her, Fred watched as she picked up her cocoa and finished it off before marking her spot in her book properly with a bookmark before closing it and sitting it off to the side.

"Intelligentest, Fred?" she finally looked at him with a raised brow.

"It's what came to mind." he shrugged. "Miss Queen of Proper Grammar."

Hermione tried her hardest to still look abashed, but he could see the mirth twinkling in her pretty brown eyes. Fred grinned down at her, then pinched her nose lightly. She crinkled it at him and Fred had the overwhelming desire to drop a kiss to the tip of it. Before he got the chance to follow through, his mum was calling out that it was time for dinner.

Fred took his seat at the end of the table, George next to him and Hermione directly across from George. Once the loud chaos of so many people sitting down to eat died down, people too busy shoving their food into their mouths, Fred finally pulled his gaze away from Hermione and worked on his own food. He'd made it through his carrots and was just working on his potatoes when Harry spoke up.

"Ginny tried a cleaning charm on my shoes a few weeks ago." he said casually, still forking around his food. "Shrunk them all down to doll size. She'd left for a tournament before I found them and I had to wear a pair of her heels, disillusioned, to the shop to buy a new pair. I liked the height they gave me so I wear them most of the time now, disillusioned as sneakers."

For one brief second, the entire table was painfully silent, everyone staring at Harry with wide eyes. George was the first one to snort and then everyone broke out into raucous laughter. Except Harry, of course, he looked shocked at what he'd just said.

"Not that I'm complaining, mate." Charlie laughed. "But why did you feel the need to share that with all of us?"

"I...I didn't." Harry shook his head. "I didn't mean to. I didn't even know I was saying it."

"Fred!" Molly shouted, glaring down the table at him. "George! What did you do?"

"Why's it always us?" George asked innocently.

"Because it _is_ always you." Hermione pointed out helpfully and Fred sniggered again.

"Are we all about to break out with our embarrassing stories?" Ron asked, looking rather terrified at the prospect. Fred sort of wished his little brother was a fan of candy canes.

"Pleaze tell me itz not true." Fleur clutched at her chest in horror.

"It's not." Fred assured her with a grin. "Harry's the only one that likes candy canes. It was just for him."

"We heard about the heels." George added. "Couldn't pass up the chance, mate."

"Thanks a lot, guys." Harry grumbled, but smiled a little.

"Candy canes?" Hermione asked and Fred looked across the table to see her staring back at him with wide eyes and an almost panicked look.

"Yeah. It was the candy canes."

"Oh." she breathed. "What...what if they were melted down into hot cocoa? Say I stirred mine with one and let it melt into the chocolate? Surely the heat would counteract whatever was in it? Perhaps the mixing of the potion with chocolate disrupted it's effects? Surely there isn't a possibility for me to sit here and tell the entire table that I keep dreaming of you and me shagging on the register counter at the shop."

Fred froze, jaw unhinging. The table all collectively gasped as Hermione slapped a hand over her mouth. Her eyes quickly dropped from his face, but he couldn't stop staring at her. What she had just said...that was...

"Were there costumers around during the shagging?" Charlie asked with a barely repressed chuckle and Ginny smacked him at the same time Molly scolded him.

"Charles! Enough." she looked towards Hermione. "Hermione, dear, there's nothing to be..."

"I have to go." Hermione cut her off, standing so abruptly her chair tipped over. "Excuse me." She hurriedly scuttled around the table, catching her foot on the leg of a chair and tripping as everyone watched in stunned silence. Fred couldn't get his brain to function right, shocked and stunned as he was. Ginny and Fleur tried to get her to stay, but Hermione ignored them as she hurried off into the living room.

"Fred," Ginny started in on him and George and Fred snapped out of it then, jumping from his chair and hurrying after Hermione.

"'Mione, wait!" he called after her, finding her near the fireplace, shoving her arms into her coat, scarf hanging on one shoulder.

"Don't." she stopped him, jerkily zipping her coat. "Just...don't."

"Hermione, I'm really sorry."

"Stop it." she glared at him and her eyes shimmered a little like she might be on the verge of crying. "I'm embarrassed enough. I'm leaving. Tell everyone I said happy holidays. My gifts are the ones wrapped in silver and gold." she pointed to the small stack of gifts and then spun on the spot and disappeared with a soft crack.

Fred fielded everyone's questions and scoldings for the rest of the evening, but he really didn't need anyone saying anything to him. He felt bad enough already. Hermione had almost cried!

After unwrapping her gift to him, he sat and stared at it for a long time. It was a muggle book of jokes and pranks. Around it was wrapped a pair of bright orange suspenders with little purple Fs dotting them. He smiled a little to himself as he ran his thumb across it. He'd told her once that it was irritating sometimes that he was never just himself. He was always half of a whole. He was never just Fred. It was something he and George had talked about before, and something they both agreed on. That she remembered and had something made for him that showed she was listening warmed him.

"What about Hermione's gifts?" Bill asked, motioning to the stack of gifts that were for her.

"Ve should take zem to her." Fleur offered. "Try and cheer her up."

"I'll do it." Fred shot out of his seat, grabbing an empty bag and shoving her presents inside.

"You think that's a good idea, Fred?" Bill asked. "She seemed pretty upset with you."

"I've never been one for the good ideas, have I?" he winked at his brother then grabbed his coat.

"Want me to come with you?" George offered.

"No." Fred shook his head. "Walk Luna home. Eat some pie for me."

Apparating to the alley behind Hermione's flat, Fred pulled the collar of his coat against the cold. Hefting the bag of gifts higher onto his arm, he made his way down the darkened sidewalk to her front door. Taking a deep breath, he rapped on the door. A moment later the locks clicked and the door was pulled open enough for Hermione to look out at him.

"Hello." he smiled at her, lifting the bag in his hand. "I come bearing gifts."

Hermione stared at him for a moment longer before pulling the door open further and motioning him in.

"Here." she took the bag from him and carried it in to sit next to her Christmas tree. "Was that all?" she turned and leveled him with a cold stare, hands propped on her hips.

"I am sorry, 'Mione." he ducked his head. "We really thought Harry was the only one that would eat them."

"And it's fine for you to embarrass Harry in front of everyone?"

"We knew what he would say." Fred shrugged. "And you know Harry. Nothing bothers him. It was just for a laugh. 'Sides, even if it ever did become public knowledge that Harry wore heels it'd likely become the next big fad for blokes everywhere."

Hermione tilted her head in acknowledgement of that, hands falling from her hips. "I cannot believe I said that in front of your family. Godric, I'm never going to be able to look your mum in the eye again."

"Ah, come on." he waved a hand at her. "Everyone has dirty dreams every now and again. It's not that big of a deal. Or is it the fact that it was me in your dream that embarrasses you?"

"It's the fact that I told not only the guy staring in my dirty dream about said dream, but also his entire family!"

Fred suppressed a grin at her flushed cheeks and he moved around the sofa to stand closer to her. "Would it make you feel better if I told you an embarrassing story of mine?"

"Well, yeah." she smiled a little. "Maybe."

Undoing the buttons of his coat, he draped it over the arm of her sofa and then leaned back against it. "Last week when you came into the shop to sign the invoices for Sunny Day and I was working the front counter. You remember that?"

"Yes." she nodded.

"Right. You were wearing this dark blue blouse and the top couple of buttons were undone. When you leaned forward to sign the forms, I could see right down your shirt. You were wearing a white bra with yellow and pink flowers."

"I thought this was embarrassing for you, not me." Hermione grumbled, an adorable blush running down her neck.

"Well, my body reacted in the predictable way to seeing that. And then you gave me a smile and left me standing there with tented robes. Some boy came up and asked me to show him where some product was but I couldn't leave the counter without revealing my ordeal. His mum was infuriated with our lack of costumer service. I had to give them a bloody discount."

Hermione snorted a laugh at that, then tried to hold in her giggles. "That's awful. Poor Freddy."

"Yeah, yeah. Poor Freddy." he took a breath and pushed off the arm of the sofa to stand up before her again. "Listen, I know sometimes dreams are just dreams. They don't always reflect what we really want, or who we really want, but I was thinking that..."

"They do." she interrupted him. "It...it did."

Fred swallowed, rubbing a hand over his abdomen as it fluttered with excitement. "Yeah?"

"Well, yeah." She smiled a little. "You're funny, and much to the surprise of lot of people, you're very intelligent. You're silly, but serious when it comes to it. You're brave and strong and you care, Fred. Seeing you work so hard on Sunny Day, wanting to help people even before then. Opening the shop during the darkest of times so people could have a little light." she stopped to huff a laugh. "You and George don't get nearly enough credit for what you two did to aide in the war effort. You make me so proud."

Fred felt his ears go hot at the rash of compliments. It was a lot to take in, but the one thing that stuck out was she thought he was intelligent. And that she was proud of him. Those were two things he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to do with her. She was so smart herself and had done so damn much in her short life that it seemed impossible to do something to make her proud.

"Merlin." he chuckled to ease his own embarrassment. "You really know how to make a bloke blush."

"It's only fair." she pushed his shoulder lightly. "You embarrassed me today. Turn about and all that."

"True." he nodded. "But I didn't hear anything in there about how devastatingly handsome and debonair I am."

"How remiss of me." she teased, taking a small step towards him. One that he countered with his own.

"Just how do you plan on making it up to me?" he asked, raising a hand to brush his fingers along her cheek.

"I'm not entirely sure I need to do the making up here, Fred." she reminded him with a lifted brow and Fred gave her a solemn look with a nod of his head.

"How about I give you your Christmas present from me?" he asked, curling her hair around his finger.

"I'll take that." she whispered, then went on tiptoe so she could wrap her arms around his neck and pull his face to hers. A little surprised by the suddenness of the move, it took him a moment to catch up but he quickly wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her back like he'd been imagining doing for quite a long time now.

If he were being honest with himself, Fred had always wanted Hermione in one way or another since the very first time he met her when she was just a knobby kneed eleven year old hanging out with his baby brother. It wasn't always in a romantic way, or even in a lustful way, but there had always been something there even if it was just the urge to protect or being impressed by her tenacity and bravery.

Right now it wasn't an urge to protect. And there was nothing friendly about the way he licked into her mouth to taste her. There was still the lingering hint of mint and cocoa and Fred moaned into her mouth when she curled her tongue around his. She was just as bold in her kissing as she was in everything else in life and Fred found himself struggling to keep up, not that he was complaining. Not with the way she was clinging to him, or with the way she let out a delightful little gasp when he trailed the tip of his tongue across the roof of her mouth.

All too soon Hermione was pulling away from him, both of them breathing a little harshly. She looked up at him with half lidded eyes and he couldn't stop the groan this time when she licked her kiss swollen lips.

"I must say." she cleared her throat, though she still held onto his shoulders. "That was much better than any dream."

"Glad I could outdo your imagination." he teased, running his palms up and down her back. "But that wasn't actually your Christmas present. I have an actual present for you."

"That's good, because I bought you one also."

"I know." he rubbed a thumb against the corner of her mouth. "I opened it. I love them, by the way."

"I'm glad." she scratched lightly against he back of his neck and goose flesh broke out across his skin. "But if it's all the same to you, I'd rather wait until tomorrow to open mine."

"Yeah, okay." Fred nodded, though he was a little confused. Then Hermione gave him a slow, teasing, wicked little grin.

"I'd much rather open up _this_ present tonight." she tugged on his button down shirt. "If you don't mind, that is."

Fred out and out laughed. He had no idea Hermione would be such a delight. "I'll agree so long as I get to return the favor."

"I was sort of counting on that." she took his hand and began tugging him down the hall way. "I wouldn't want to do all the work, you know. Fair is fair, after all."

Kicking her bedroom door open, Fred followed her in. Hermione pulled out her wand and lit a few candles sitting on her nightstands but left the overhead electrical light out. She mumbled another spell, waving her wand over her own stomach, then tossed the wand onto her dresser.

"Contraceptive spell." she told him distractedly, hands coming up to start on the buttons of his shirt. They got in the way of his own hands working on trying to lift her jumper. They both laughed a little and Fred grasped her wrists and gently pushed her hands away from him.

"Let me go first." he grabbed the bottom of her jumper and pulled it up over her head. She helped once it was over her head by tossing it off her arms and Fred couldn't help but snicker at the way the static caused her hair to fly out at all angles.

"Ha. Ha." she glared at him while smoothing down her hair.

"Don't mock me, Miss Granger." he teasingly warned her. "You're adorable in all your wild haired glory."

Hermione snorted, but blushed a little. "You know, if anyone else said that I wouldn't believe them but I honestly think you mean that."

"I do." he kissed her nose, rubbing his hands over the soft cotton of her undershirt. "You're the most adorable witch I've ever laid eyes on. Funny, that."

"Why's that funny?"

Catching her face gently between his palms, he tilted her head up so she was looking at him. "Because you also happen to be the most beautiful witch I've ever seen."

"Now that's a lie." she frowned. "I'm well aware that there are far more attractive women out there. Some of whom you are very good friends with, I might add."

Lifting a brow at her, Fred didn't let her pull her face away from his. "Now, see. You might be the single most intelligent person I know, but you can't and won't tell me what I know, Miss Granger. And I know, that to me at least, you're more beautiful than anyone else. Just don't tell George. It'll hurt his feelings. He tends to get jealous over things like that. Sensitive boy he is."

"You're a riot, Fred Weasley." she rolled her eyes, but looked incredibly pleased with what he'd said. She might have been right. There were women out there that society deemed far more attractive than her. But to Fred beauty was about more than physical appearances. Hermione, for all her swottiness and flaws, was a spectacular woman. There was just so much more to her than a fine figure and a pretty face, though she wasn't really lacking in either of those departments if he said so himself.

"And you're distracting me, Hermione Granger." he quirked her chin, then kissed her lightly to get things back on track. Once she seemed sufficiently back into the flow of things, he eased his hands up under the cotton of her shirt, rubbing work roughened palms across the softness of her belly. She shivered against him, but didn't stop him again.

With slow movements and no big hurry, they each took turns pulling the others clothes free. There were frequent detours to explore and touch and kiss. Once Fred was down to his pants and socks, and Hermione only had on a pair of knickers, he urged her back onto the bed and grinned down at her as she stretched out. Her knickers were a festive green color, dotted with candy canes tied with red bows.

"You do like candy canes." he chuckled and Hermione laughed as well.

"I do." she crooked a finger at him in a beckoning motion that lost a little bit of its seductiveness by the subtle trembling of her hand. Fred didn't mind. Hermione didn't have to do anything to seduce him. Especially when she was laying before him with wonderfully bare breasts.

"I think I might be falling in love with candy canes." Fred mumbled, crawling up between her legs and running his finger over the front of her knickers. Hermione made a soft whimpering noise, hips lifting just a tiny bit off the mattress, and Fred stopped holding back. Ridding her of the festive panties and falling in love even more with what had been hidden beneath, he treated her like she was his personal candy cane and licked and sucked and devoured until she was a moaning, writhing, and finally coming mess of pleasure.

Hermione pulled him up her body after that, rolling them until he was sitting up against her headboard and she removed his pants before lowering herself down onto him. It was better than he'd ever imagined and Fred decided then, watching her face as she lost herself to the rock and sway of their love making that shagging on the counter at the shop during work hours was completely off the table (pun intended). There was no way he wanted anyone else to see Hermione like that. They might accidently realize just how fucking wonderful she was and Fred didn't fancy the competition. Not when the hot clasp of her body felt better than heaven. And Fred should know. He spent around five minutes there after the wall crushed him. This, her, the heat of her body and the intensity of what they were doing to each other, it was so much better.

Afterwards, as they lay in a sweaty, breathless tangle in the middle of her completely mussed bed, Hermione was the first to move.

"I'm sticky." she complained, lifting her head from his shoulder to glare at him like it was his fault. Which, he supposed it was.

"My wands somewhere in my trousers." he groaned. "My trousers are somewhere by the door. That's so far away."

"Poor Freddy." Hermione patted his shoulder, then extracted herself from his embrace and stumbled all wobbly kneed over to her dresser to get her own wand. Fred crossed his arms behind his head and enjoyed the unintentional little show she was putting on for him with all her nakedness. She did a quick cleansing charm on herself, then crawled back onto the bed to do the same for him. Fred shivered as the rather chilly wash of magic rolled over him and narrowed his eyes as Hermione giggled at him.

"Would you like to stay the night?" she asked, pulling the blankets down so they could get into the bed properly.

"Can I?" he questioned, watching her carefully as she laid down and pulled the blankets up around her neck.

"I'd love for you to." she held the covers up in invitation and Fred rolled off the bed before crawling in next to her. "Besides, I'd like for you to be here when I open my real present tomorrow morning."

"Does that mean I get breakfast made for me?" he teasingly asked, curling his body up against her side and snuggling his head into her shoulder. Hermione laughed sleepily, wrapping her arm around his shoulder and twining her fingers with his on her stomach.

"I have a box of candy canes." she teased. "You can have one of those."

"Mm." Fred chuckled into her skin. "So long as I get to choose where I melt it down like you seem to enjoy them."

"Where would that be?" she questioned around a yawn.

"I have some ideas." he tugged their interlaced fingers down until he brushed against the coarse hair of her mound.

Hermione jumped a little, then giggled softly. "Oh, Fred."


End file.
